Got a toothbrush?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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