worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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