I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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