I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
