Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
