"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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