We're facebook friends in real life
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize