The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
