he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
