I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
