Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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