If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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