she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
