I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
