my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize