I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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