I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
