oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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