His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize