dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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