It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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