Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
