She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
