do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
