dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
