He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
People in love make me want to vomit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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