im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
