It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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