Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
