Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
