he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
