can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
