hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think your dad took our porno
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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