We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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