I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
