i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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