I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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