I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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