the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
