I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
