Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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