Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
