I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
