Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
