I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
