yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
