What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
