My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
