I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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