Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
