i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
