like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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