That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
