I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
