Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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