She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
