I'm drive I can fine osifer
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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