No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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