I just pynch a tree in the face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
