Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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