I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
