I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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