You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize