shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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