Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
