This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
