Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
