It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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