Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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