I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
