the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
