Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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