She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
